


Awake

by OswinTheStrange



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Death Mentioned, F/F, Lots of Angst, Open Ending, kind of attempted suicide, starts out cute but ends with feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 18:07:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11190495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OswinTheStrange/pseuds/OswinTheStrange
Summary: Reader wakes up to a morning with Rowena, but everything is not as it appears.





	Awake

You opened your eyes. Next to you, still sleeping peacefully, was Rowena. The sunlight coming through the window highlighted her hair, giving it a fiery appearance. Your breath was taken away. Even like this, sleeping, with messy hair and no makeup, she was still the most beautiful sight you’d ever seen.

 

Acting on impulse, you leaned forward to give her a kiss on the cheek. When your lips made contact with her skin, she giggled. Apparently, she was more awake than you thought. You leaned back, taking in the sight of Rowena opening her eyes.

 

“Were you pretending to be asleep so you could sleep in?” You asked, giving her a knowing smirk.

 

“Maybe,” she replied, leisurely stretching.

 

You rolled your eyes. “Clever,” you said, “But we have to get up.”

 

“We don’t _have_ to. We could always stay in bed and do something else,” Rowena purred, eyes raking over your form and fingers teasing the edge of the sheet covering her body.

 

“Oh, really? What did you have in mind?” You asked, trying to make yourself appear as innocent as possible. You probably weren’t succeeding. You knew your hair was a mess and you were certain there was a hickey on your neck from last night.

 

Rowena leaned in close, her breath ticking your ear. “This,” she breathed. Suddenly, her fingers were attacking your stomach and sides.

 

You burst out laughing, squirming and trying to bat her hands away. “Wait-hahaha-stop! I’m begging you!” You cried, laughing until tears streamed down your face. Finally, Rowena relented, stopping her ‘attack’.

 

Your laughing died down as you caught your breath. “You’re in a good mood this morning,” you panted.

 

“That was just revenge for last night,” Rowena said, her eyes gleaming mischievously. You remembered last night with a smirk. You’d been in a playful mood, so you’d snuck up behind Rowena and started tickling her. It had come completely out of nowhere, but ended up being quite fun. Although, Rowena had been quite disgruntled at first.

 

“ _This_ ,” Rowena continued, “is me in a good mood.” She pressed her lips to yours. Firecrackers went off inside you, from the crown of your head to your toes. It was like this every time you kissed. You didn’t think the feeling would ever go away.

 

You cupped the back of her neck, pulling her into a deeper kiss. Her lips were warm and soft and fit perfectly against your own. You bit her lower lip, enjoying the moan Rowena gave as you did it. In response, Rowena slid her tongue along your own lip, asking for entrance. You allowed it, opening your mouth, and her tongue slithered inside.

 

Inside you, you felt a mixture of emotions. Happiness, attraction, joy, peace, and love. But underneath it all, you felt a sense of dread. You ignored it at first. This was a perfect moment. You weren’t going to ruin it. But it kept growing and growing. You had to tell her.

 

Breaking the kiss, you leaned back. Rowena was panting, her face lightly flushed, and her hair even messier than before. She was so beautiful it almost hurt. She must’ve noticed something was wrong. “Darling, what’s wrong?”

 

“Ro, I have to tell you something important, and I have to tell you before…before…”

 

“Before what?” Rowena asked, furrowing her brow. “What is it?”

 

You didn’t know. You couldn’t remember. But you knew you had to say it. Somehow, you just _knew_ you were out of time. That this was your last chance. “Rowena, I love-”

 

You opened your eyes.

 

You felt weak and your body ached all over. Your mind felt fuzzy and muddled. Managing to concentrate on reality, you saw Dean Winchester. It all came flooding back.

 

“No,” you whimpered.

 

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s me. I’m getting you down.” Dean said, concentrating on your wrists.

 

You felt cold metal round them, and realized you must’ve been helped up by shackles while you were unconscious. Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted an IV and a blood bag hanging from it. You knew the bag could only be filled with your blood.

 

The shackles were undone and your knees buckled. Dean caught you, helping lower you to the ground. “You’re gonna be okay. A Djinn got you. Sam’s dealing with it now,” he explained.

 

“You can’t,” you mumbled, trying to stand, “I still need to-oof!” You fell back down and Dean caught you.

 

“Take it easy. I think you’ve been out for a few days,” Dean said.

 

A few days? It hadn’t even felt like that. It hadn’t been nearly enough.

 

Sam appeared, panting and looking slightly roughed up, but unharmed. “Djinn’s dead. How is she?”

 

Your heart sank. You felt tears stream down your face as grief ran through you.

 

“I think she’s still a little out of it,” Dean said.

 

“Why? Why would you do this to me?” You sobbed, your words barely understandable.

 

“Y/N, what are you talking about?” Sam asked.

 

“The Djinn! The dream! That was my only way to…I was _happy_ there! _She_ was there! I was finally about to tell her…and then you woke me up!” You screamed. You tried to summon your rage, but could only feel your grief.

 

Sam and Dean instantly caught on. “You mean Rowena,” Sam stated.

 

You could only nod.

 

For a moment, the only sounds were those of you crying. Sam and Dean shared a concerned look. Finally, Dean spoke. “Y/N, I know what you’re going through-”

 

“No, you don’t!” You snapped, glaring at him through your tears.

 

“I do, because I went through the same thing. A Djinn caught me and made me dream a whole different life. And everything there was perfect. Or, meant to be, anyway. But it wasn’t real. And if I’d stayed in that dream, I would’ve died. You would’ve died if we hadn’t rescued you,” Dean said.

 

“So? Maybe I want to die,” you muttered.

 

“You don’t,” Sam countered. “You’re upset, and after what happened to Rowena, you have every right to be. You’re grieving. But you don’t want to die.”

 

“But I do. It’s _hell_ without her! I keep looking up and expecting her to be there. Or I check my phone to see if she’s called or texted. Or I’ll wake up in the middle of the night to reach for her, but _she’s not there_. And it kills me inside every time!” Everything came pouring out at once. You tried to stop the words, but it was like trying to stop a waterfall. “I keep wanting her to be there, so I can tell her how I feel, but she’s _gone_ and I miss her so damn much! I’m living in a nightmare, and I can’t wake up!” Which is why when you’d come across the Djinn, you let yourself get lured in and put into the dream world. You could only wake up from the nightmare if you put yourself to sleep.

 

“Y/N, listen to me,” Dean said. “This would have _killed you_. Would Rowena have wanted you to kill yourself?”

 

“You don’t know what she would have wanted!” you yelled.

 

“I know. Which is why I’m asking you: _Would Rowena have wanted you to kill yourself over her death?_ ”

 

You didn’t even have to think for an answer. “No,” you admitted.

 

“So what would she have wanted you to do instead?” Dean asked.

 

“She’d…want me to avenge her death. Or stay out of trouble. One of those,” you said. She’d most likely want you to stay out of trouble and stay safe. But you’d already failed at that, leaving one option.

 

“So, from now on, you’re going to…” Dean trailed off, looking at you for an answer.

 

You took a breath. “I’m gonna get that son of a bitch archangel and make him pay.”

 

Dean sighed. “Not really what I was hoping to hear.”

 

“Too bad,” you replied.

 

You tried to stand again, but failed. You just weren’t strong enough to walk. You felt an arm support your back as another hooked under your legs and lifted. You instantly grabbed handfuls of Dean’s jacket, clinging to him in fear of falling.

 

“Hey!” You protested, glaring at him.

 

“What? Would you rather I leave you?”

 

You shrugged.

 

Dean rolled his eyes. “C’mon, let’s go.”

 

“Where?” You asked, looking between the brothers.

 

“The Bunker,” Sam said. “You need medical attention, and after what just happened, we want to keep an eye on you.”

You wanted to argue, but didn’t have the strength. Sighing in resignment, you let your head fall on Dean’s shoulder and allowed them to carry you out of whatever warehouse the Djinn had been using, and to their car.

 

Sam opened the backdoor and Dean helped you in. “Watch your head,” Dean advised. You laid across the backseat, curling into a ball and closing your eyes. You heard Sam and Dean get into the front seat and start the ignition.

 

The rumble of the engine, combined with your state of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion, was quickly sending you to sleep. ‘ _Please_ ,’ you thought, ‘ _just let me have one more dream of Rowena_.’

 

You opened your eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Edited by Marrilyn


End file.
